November 21st, 2007

T'Sorvik-Doll Maker

Personal Log - Emotion

According to one of my reference files, "emotion" is defined as "agitation or disturbance of mind; vehement or excited mental state." Standard Vulcan protocol adds that it is also "a powerful and irrational master".

My parents are not educating me in the typical Vulcan fashion, which requires the suppression (elimination, if possible) of emotional sensations and motivations. They took me away from Vulcan to ensure than I was not subjected to this regimen. Still, they are requiring that I control my emotions, rather than being controlled by them, and that my intellect be dominant. Further, they are teaching me the importance of hiding my emotions, to conform (in external appearance, if not in reality) with Vulcan norms. This will make it far easier for me, as a Vulcan, to move through Vulcan society … and through the larger, galactic society which has certain expectations where Vulcans are concerned.

Furthermore, Daddy Storvik has explained what an advantage these preconceptions and stereotypes can be. He has not hesistated to exploit the fact that most humans automatically trust in the honesty and dependability of Vulcans, even those whom they have never met before. Even those, most importantly, for which their exists ample evidence that they should be so blithely trusted.

It is for these reasons, among others, that I must learn to discipline my mind in private, and act the part of a "proper" Vulcan in public. It is for these reasons, among others, that I really should not be enjoying my work on Lothar's internal systems as much as I am. My intention is, and always has been, to attempt to repair what went wrong, to restore Lothar's autonomy and physical control. However, I am undeniably having fun exercising control over him as well.

But, however undeniable it is, I shall be denying it once I am faced with my parents and forced to explain myself.